Can’t Get Enough

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I have an obsessive personality.  It’s what makes me a great Facebook stalker and a loyal friend.  I obsess over images and words and feelings.  It gets worse when I’m stressed — anything to keep my mind off of the task at hand.

Lately, things have been a little chaotic over this cat’s cold shoulder so I’ve start obsessing over my favorite TV shows.  Like 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Sherlock, and Community.  I will re-watch episodes I’ve seen tenfold, fast forwarding to my favorite part and playing it a few times over just to catch a facial expression or a lilt in a voice that maybe I hadn’t noticed before.  Just yesterday, I should have been focusing on work but instead I decided to watch an episode of Sherlock I had already watched a handful of times.  I fell asleep right after and had a dream in which I was telling Benedict Cumberbatch about a family vacation I took to the Caribbean (never happened but, in the dream, I had very vivid flashbacks to it).  However, the anxiety and stress don’t go away. No, they always find ways to manifest themselves in the weirdest way possible. In that same dream, my teeth were hurting as I spoke– so much so, that I ended up pulling a tooth out and breaking another one in half.  I woke up right after with my jaw clenched.

Apparently, dreams about teeth falling out are either signs of  death (!) or anxiety over something new.  I’m embarking on a number of new initiatives, one of which is this blog, and I’ve been struggling with how to balance writing, work, school, and family and friends.  Maybe it’s the familiarity that I find so comforting? There are no surprises, there is no uncertainty. I know exactly what’s going to happen next. So, instead of dealing with lightening this weight on my chest; instead of being an adult and dealing with my adult problems; instead of taking a deep breath, I log on to Netflix because they just added the last season of 30 Rock.

So, uh, I’ll catch you later?  My whole life is thunder.

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