A Girl Should Be . . .

I came across this meme on Instagram yesterday and it damn near made my head explode:


This type of “girls should be” meme kills me.  It really does.  The majority of people I’ve seen post things like this are women which infuriates me even more.   We’re only serving to perpetuate the idea that we have to be a certain set of distilled characteristics in order to desirable.  It props up an already unattainable image of femininity, female sexuality, and just the whole goddamn definition of being female.

And maybe this is unfair, but as a woman, why would you post these memes in the first place?  I read it as a way to put other women down, or at the very least, on notice.  Why do you need to tell other women how to act or how they should behave?  It’s reductive and insulting for a number of reasons.   I can stretch my imagination to see why someone might think this is cute as a teenager.  But after that, you should develop some critical thinking skills and realize women have it hard enough in a world where their bodies are constantly policed and their worth consistently undervalued without you posting wack ass memes about  what they should or shouldn’t be.

Also, WTF does it even mean?!?! SHUT UP. I know what it means.  I’m just trying to illustrate how vacuous and vapid these messages are.  “Pretty to see”?  Really?  Nothing about intelligence or wit or ambition.  There’s not a word about substance or strength of character.  Just be pretty and play hard to get. So, who is this message for really? What purpose does it serve other than to give boys unrealistic expectations of “girls” and make women feel bad about themselves?  This isn’t a message about empowerment; at the core, it propagates male gaze and anachronistic views of sexuality.

This is another favorite (not really) of mine:


Sure, you might feel this quote is substantiated because Coco Chanel said it.  That’s because Coco Chanel could say whatever the hell Coco Chanel wanted because she was COCO FUCKING CHANEL.  You’re a self-proclaimed Instagram fashionista/model/makeup artist. EXIT LEFT, THANK YOU.

Was that mean?  Yes, but also very necessary.

How about “girls” can be whatever they want?  They can be butterflies or tigers or unicorns or sharks.  They can be classy, elusive, meek, smart, boring, fabulous, crafty, sneaky, nasty, mean, ambitious, confident, neurotic, insecure, witty, aggressive, carefree, trashy, jealous, compassionate, cold, vulnerable, strong, funny, honorable, wild, etc., etc.  Yeah, I get that won’t fit on a meme.  But that’s the point.  Stop telling girls and women their value can only be derived from elusive, unrealistic, and frankly, incredibly paternalistic traits and just stick to posting your OOTDs and kitten pictures.



4 thoughts on “A Girl Should Be . . .

  1. > Why do you need to tell other women how to act or how they should behave?

    Are we projecting a little here?

    > Also, WTF does it even mean?!?!

    It;s a cute way of describing male / female courtship and mating habits.

    It basically means the females of many species – including humans (although I’m not sure about butterflies!) – like to attract males by being super sexy only to then play hard to get. Playing hard to get is how females encouraged interested males to compete with each other and generally demonstrate their suitability as a mate in front of her so she can eventually select the most suitable mate to reproduce with. Her criteria for a suitable mate is usually based on strength, prowess, resources, loyalty, devotion, persistence, high social status etc.

    Whichever male scores the highest is then chosen by the female and allowed to be her mate. His final demonstration of suitability is to get down on one knee to demonstrate his devotion and give her a diamond ring to prove what a good provider of resources he is. If he does a good job she will finally say “Yes” 🙂

    The biological reason for this behaviour is that for females having sex generally means getting pregnant and getting pregnant is a huge burden and risk for any female. You and your offspring cannot afford to get pregnant by some unreliable male who is not willing AND able to provide you with resources and protection. The ‘hard to get’ game is a way of selecting a mate who is going to be most willing and capable of providing resources and protection to you and your offspring in the future.

    Playing ‘hard to get’ is basically a series of ‘job interviews’ for the role of father – or maybe a ‘talent contest’ is a better analogy. In order to motivate the contestants you’ve got to offer them a prize 🙂

    Not understanding the basic animalistic impulses that underly human courtship must make it very confusing and scary. Maybe that’s why you are so angry and uptight?

    • Wow, you really hit the nail on the head! Thank you for reducing me to my basic biological urges. I’m just going to sit here, doll myself up, and start collecting applications for the best male to impregnate me.


      In short,


      • > Thank you for reducing me to my basic biological urges.

        LOL You’re welcome 🙂

        > I’m just going to sit here, doll myself up, and start collecting applications for the best male to impregnate me.

        There’s no need to go that far. Understanding the biological foundation of courtship and mating behaviour is no different to understanding the biological foundation of eating behaviour.

        I’m sure you understand that eating habits and impulses (like craving sugar and fat) are also to driven by basic survival instincts too, right? But that does not mean we should just sit around stuffing our faces with food instead of studying calculus or writing poetry does it?


        That’s basically what your genes are telling you, yes 🙂

        But we are more than just our genetic / biological impulses (Well, most of us are anyway!). We have higher brains as well.

        Men’s genes yell in caps at them to find the most fertile woman and impregnate her. Men’s criteria for an attractive, desirable sexy woman is basically: youth, facial symmetry, thick glossy hair, strong nails, shiny big eyes, clear skin, slim waist, childbearing hips, big breasts, rosy cheeks … and guess what? -these are all indicators of sexual health/ fertility and good genetics.

        So if you want to be attracting to a man you need to present yourself with think glossy hair, strong nails, clear skin, big shiny eyes, a slim waist and curvy body and other attributes which indicate youth, good health and fertility…… But you already know that I’m sure. There is a billion dollar fashion/ beauty industry already set up to help women look more young and fertile than they really are.

        Understanding what our ‘base’ or ‘animalistic’ impulses are, and why they are there, does not mean we have to be slaves to those impulses….. nor does it mean those impulses are all we are.

  2. “curiosetta”, first I wrote an awesome and argumentative answer to your poor and unintelligent comment.
    Then, I realized your post was SO stupid that words couldn’t even manage.
    You should read anything related to Art, history,sociology, psychology or philosophy…and then, only then, you could get a glimpse of how much your tenny-tiny-short-minded prism on women and femininity is.
    In the meantime, keep it down.
    And please, be careful with the “LOLs” and emojis, it’s excessively annoying.

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